I am sitting on my love seat with Bella (my dog/my animal companion) deciding what is the best use of my time today. Tomorrow is the long awaited Cardinal Grand Cross many astrologists have been talking about and so it makes me think about this past little while and what it has been like for me.
It is true. Nothing does really feel the same as before....(even the face of my blog keeps changing - similar to my own I guess!) There seems to be a truth unfolding about myself and my relationship with Life that has been underneath all the layers of skin that I had wrapped so tightly around myself.
I think it was during my training with Sophia Bonnie Wodin (Priestessing your Life training which I recommend to anyone who wishes to continue expanding and living their truth) where this became even more vivid to my awareness. We did an exercise around "self" where we stripped off every aspect of ourself that we knew ourself to be. This included roles, patterns, habits, beliefs and ideas. Each layer I removed I gifted to the earth and allowed them to fall away gracefully. Each time returning and undressing another layer of self. After some time of doing this I began to feel this sense of being an abstract and translucent form until I reached a point where I felt like I was a shimmering wave of light caressing the air. It was like I became the air itself, yet I still had my own unique shimmer. I was completely 'Self' free of all the earthly selves I had become. It was an extremely freeing sensation. We were then invited to begin drawing back within us only those aspects of self that we knew to be empowering and nurturing to our soul. Aspects that would join with Self in ways that would bring wholeness and power. Some aspects of myself I chose to leave with the earth, to become compost and transform to something other than myself. I let go, buried and surrendered parts of me that I had held onto for years of my life. Intimate parts of myself that I had a deep relationship with and trust in during many years of strife, struggle and chaos. It was time to give them back. They had served their purpose. I have met death a number of times in my life and I can say this experience paralleled very closely that feeling of burying someone you love. I covered these parts of me tenderly with soil and built a miniature shrine with little morsels of nature.
Since that moment on I felt a change that I could only glimpse before.
Sometimes to move into our power we have to experience this death, this giving away parts of ourselves we love so deeply and dearly. There are definitely moments where pieces of the old may attempt to niggle their way back, however, their substance as they had been lives no more.
Change is happening whether we want it to or not. It is beyond our grasp. We have a choice to embrace it or resist. To become part of the whole or push and pull to split off and be what "we" (the ego) want to be.
Its interesting actually because this morning someone wished me a happy Easter and I shared that I was in fact more connected to the changes taking place astrologically than to the holiday of Easter. I realized then the irony of how during this time of death and rebirth we are in fact experiencing this at planetary levels as well as in the religious form. In minute individual ways and collectively.
(http://darkstarastrology.com/grand-cross-2014/)
Change is upon us.
Might as well enjoy the ride!
The fright. The fear...
and all the thrills
being swooped above the clouds
and down the steep
inclines.
Its all Life.
Its all us....
Life and Us are One.
Blessed be Life.
I think now I will go make a new smudging feather :)
Happy Grand Cross everyone!
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