Full Moon. Blood Moon. Transformation.

Its been a long time since I wrote anything here. The changes I have been experiencing remind me of the time I lived in Grimsby and would walk down to the beach during a windy thunderstorm to witness the magnificence of the waves rolling in with such force it literally changed the landscape. I remember holding my stance against the wind, protecting myself as much as I could from the slashes of rain whipping against my face, feeling marvelled by the force of the water and then returning the next day to discover what new changes the storm brought forth.

In the last couple months I have basically have been watching the waves of Life bring forth transformation in all areas of my life. I have been holding my stance and doing my best to stay centred and steady through it all. Allowing and Willing the changes to come. What a ride!

Clarity is beginning its return and soon it will be time to write again. Once the clarity returns perhaps I will be shown what path to follow in my writing. For now though, I am simply dropping by and sending many blessings to all on this eve of the Full Moon....of a total Lunar Eclipse.

Blessed Be!

Imbolc I Am

This day 

Imbolc

  

 yet another fluctuation

another tremor

of movement

of beginnings

of changes 

Whispers in my ear

beckoning me

come forth

Be

 the seeds of transformation

doorways and

portals

to other unknown aspects of myself

deeper, truer ways of being

I stand at the threshhold

turn my head and look back

I see

the old 

ways of being

definitions, stories and ideas

of who I was 

morphing

into

who I am

Can I let go?

Allow this transmutation?

A new plant is taking root

A seed

in the darkness of the soil

quivering, waking up

I am not the same seed 

I planted before

It is new

It is different

I feel tender waves of fear

washing upon the shores of my consciousness

Subtle, almost invisible changes 

of immense power

I draw on the power 

of the Fierce Goddess within

 Fire and Will

and wrap myself in a cloak of tenderness

I am not alone

Gently 

 with strength 

I step through 

into acceptance 

embracing this new seed

that I am 

that I Am...

Yes!

I Am!

Blessed Be your Journeys

The Beginnings of Birth for a New Year

And so....it is the first morning of 2014. A new moon, a supermoon. I have felt the beginning of this shift since the turn of the wheel at the Solstice, perhaps even deeper, at Samhain.  Today, however, I feel the mass shift as we have now all moved through the transition.

Today, is the most peaceful I have ever felt on New Years day. Today, without consciously intending to I have awoken in a quiet deliberate way. The outside world is so still and quiet right now, free of the rushing and frantic noise of people purchasing their goods in the plaza across the way. Enya is playing softly in the background and as I look up I see a large flock of geese flying in formation. The candles burn brightly on each side of my computer, while turtle, spider, a symbol of Ganesh and an empty clay bowl sit in the space beside me.

As I sat in my wicker chair in the kitchen this morning; listening to the bubble of my oatmeal cooking, my senses felt so alive and awake. My cat Nallah lingering on the edge of the chair licking her paws and Bella (my Bijon) laying quietly on the floor. The smell of the oats and aroma of the herbs, the love I feel for my girls (as I look at the pictures of them on my fridge) are vibrant within my body. I see how time has passed as I look at the pictures of them as little children and now as beautiful young women. I feel such comfort and peace.

Earlier this morning I read a small piece from Clarissa's book, Women who Run with the Wolves, a small story at the end called The Wolf's Eyelash. There, was a beautiful poem describing what a young woman saw after she was gifted an eyelash, the sight of the wolf. A small section summed it up so well for me;

She saw all things

with her lash of wolf,

all things true,

and all things false,

all things turning against life,

and all things turning toward life,

all things seen only

through the eyes of that

which weighs the heart with heart

and not with mind alone.

...and if you listen closely,
the wolf in its howling is always asking the most important question

wooooor

aieeee th'

sooooooooool?

wooooor

aieee th'

soooooooool?

Where is the soul?

 Where is the soul?

Go out into the woods,

go out,

Go out into the woods,

go out'

Go out into the woods, go out.

If you don't go out in the woods, nothing will ever happen 

and your life will never begin.

I have walked into the woods a'many times this past year...and let me tell you it wasn't always a friendly place to be. I met many creatures of the forest and was tempted to run, to hide and never come out, however, I also was gifted with the teachings of so many. I would never have begun my walk if I never entered the woods. And now, it is coming together. I see things as they are, I am so much stronger and able to be with the moment that is. 

This time that we enter now is even harder for some as we wait for the sun to return. Oh, we want it so badly, we want that brightness, that warmth to reappear. The waiting is always such a time. The energy is so strong. The alignment of the planets speaks of transformative times. Of great changes within and without. For myself I notice acceptance I never felt before. My mind is so expansive and dreams the biggest dreams...while externally I cook and wash my dishes. I find myself working with my hands and creating instead of living in my dreams. My internal world shifts through so many lives beyond what is, yet I get up and I walk to work, I do what needs to be done. I see now. I see it is all good. This is the way, the middle way. The centre of the wheel. The centre of being and doing. Waiting, acting, sitting, waiting, acting, listening. I have learned patience. I am learning patience..... I am patience.

I am grateful for the year behind me and anticipating the year ahead. I wait for the next step beneath my feet to unfold before me. It is my choice. I decide which way to go. 

Do I stay in old familiar ground or enter the woods? How do I make a move?

Astrology can also guide us, can show us a way.

So much is happening. Such intense energy. 

"Some people right now leading up to the New Moon in Capricorn, are feeling the strong driving push for purging, cleansing and letting go. It is downright uncomfortable and possibly full of grief, intense emotions or even deep fears coming up. This is par for the course now. Go with it, be with it, accept it. Get some rest if you feel exhausted. It will shift soon enough....

“Be honest with yourself.  Have you ignored the warnings and now conditions have worsened? You are a powerful creator. You can use your power to improve your life.  Have better relationships. Work with passion and feel good. Remember that, you have an important role to play or you wouldn’t be alive. You matter. You count. There is no one who can replace you. You are a valuable treasure."  
http://www.mysticmamma.com

You matter! 
You Count!

You are a valuable treasure!

We all matter!

We all count!

We are all beautiful treasures!

Now we begin the work. Now we look at the dreams and we begin to use our hands and build....slowly but surely, piece by piece with the wolf by our side. We begin to go through the labour of giving birth. It may be awhile before the "baby' is born yet we remember, whatever we choose to feed is what will come forth. And we know it is well worth the wait.

Question is which wolf will you feed? 

Can you welcome the sight of the wolf and reach for the skies?

Shifting into Sagittarius

I don't know about you but I can honestly say I am quite happy that we have left Scorpio and are emerging into Sagitarrius. For me, Scorpio was a deep, dark and intensely emotionally, healing time. Not that it wasn't amazing as far as transformations go but WOW the insights and realizations came from some pretty deep caverns and there were some pretty dark skies looming overhead. I am not sure what I am expecting for this next month but it sure would be nice for some of that fire energy to be present!....Well perhaps a small warming fire to be specific :)

Continuing to commit to move and live from our souls true essence is definitely not an easy task. I definitely know,however, without a shadow of a doubt, that it is so worth it to face the demons, learn to be with them, and learn how to let them be. I have been learning so much about living in the "Paradoxical Unity". Embracing all the parts of myself. Learning to be with my emotions more fully all the time. Being in the presence of power and in the presence of the scared vulnerable child within me at the same time. Knowing that one "Is", is only because of the other. We could never truly know power if we did not feel that sense of vulnerability and helplessness. Allowing myself to feel the light and the dark, the strength and the tenderness within me and holding both with love.....all the while standing in the middle, in a centred place is a tremendous task. I am sooo tempted to withdraw and distract myself with my old habits (especially those comfort foods and drinks) Quite the experience to stay on the path I have to say. It seems that no matter how long I walk this path I continue to be fascinated over and over again how my heart just continues to open and the healing continues to pour through. Sometimes it feels like the stronger the power flows through me, the deeper and the more intense the healing.

I recently joined this site called kindspring.org and right now they have this 21 day gratitude challenge going on. Today the question was "What have you lost and learned from?" This question today is definitely a gift as I am currently having to deal with more loss in my life and am asking for it to be put into perspective. I guess I have been gifted with a chance to do just that.

I have faced so many losses in my life in one form or another...whether it be family, friends, partners, my home, jobs, belongings, or habits, old ways of thinking or even addictions. We all have, and do, feel loss every day. Without these losses, this death, there would be no room for the new to emerge.

Sometimes though I feel like yelling and saying "enough! I don't want to deal with this any more!...I want something to take me out of this now! I want that home I dream of now. I want that job, I want that partner. I want to be loved. Now! Please take me out of this empty space!" Sometimes I wish I weren't me and I was a simpler, less complex person who just lived a "normal" life, with a "normal" job and family....(whatever that means!) Oh the illusions, the distorted fantasies. That damn ego. Resistance to what is always creates some level of pain. Pain is definitely a 2-edged sword. It brings such wisdom and yet it can be so tiresome. Another illusion..... how nice it would be to be free of pain. Pain is so often the gateway for connecting to All that is. I read an Oracle card today that said "Sometimes my heart needs to be watered by my tears." So true! Without water how can anything possibly grow?! Our heart needs pain just as much as it needs love! Again....One does not exist without the other.

I guess its all a matter of choice. Do I stay in resistance and pain....feeling sad and resentful for not getting what I want, whether that be love, approval, or things.... or do I feel it, embrace it, water my heart with the nourishing tears and then surrender myself to the Great Divine....trusting that all things emerge in the perfect way and the perfect time. I choose surrender...again...and again and again and again....

Expanding..Being...Contracting....expanding...being.....contracting......ever spiralling in and out, above and below and within......oh these cycles.....

.......my ability to trust in Life Herself is strengthened once again just a little bit more......


Blessed be your journeys...with love!


Ana

Maintaining Our Connection Throughout the Season

Time feels so strange right now. Everything feels so different when we move deeper into fall and winter. My experience with myself and Life itself is shifting as abruptly as the wind on a blustery day. There are days where I feel the sunshine within my soul and then the next day I could move just as quickly to be sitting in the darker caverns of my soul. One moment I feel like I have a greater perspective and feel much promise for the upcoming year and then “whoosh”  the wind changes and I am sitting with some deep, dark, emotions that are bubbling to the surface and attempting to consume me. Thank Goddess for Her teachings and for the wisdom of the Tarot. Without the wisdom I have gained from being close to Her I am not sure that I would be able to remain in a place of witness when my emotions attempt to get the better of me.

Tis the time of Scorpio. Water. Emotions. Deep underlying emotions that are being dredged up to be healed. To be released.

I can honestly say from my experience if you are open to receive the teachings of each season -  “watch out and remember to stay grounded and centred” These teachings will be showing themselves through whatever sign we are in and now is the time of turning inward, feeling death and decay and the emptiness that follows before the emergence of the new.

Interestingly enough, however, this morning I recognized something about my experience that I never really noticed before. I would have to say that it all has to do with my commitment to follow this path, do the work and open my mind consistently to what Life has to teach me.

I have been experiencing some pretty intense and deep emotions this past week, intertwined with a conglomerate of thoughts that are rising about certain perceptions and ideologies I have held within myself. In the past when I have experienced this array of emotions and thoughts I would feel a bit of anxiety as I would interpret this as a sign I was possibly beginning to feel a the heaviness of depression. Now, however, as I am much more aligned and in tune with the planetary cycles and lunar rhythms, I am able to see that this is perfectly normal for this period of time. What I am experiencing is a perfect opportunity to gain some further insight into what baggage I may still be containing deep within the depths of my consciousness and what still needs to be released. I see the beauty as I know that this is giving me an opportunity to create space within myself for the changes that will be presenting themselves in the upcoming season. It is an exciting time to say the least...to know without a doubt that new life is wanting to emerge. That is the beauty here. NOTHING, absolutely nothing stays the same. Scorpio does not last. The cycle always continues to flow. As time progresses we slowly but surely move into the next sign and continue to evolve to the next step of our journey.

If only we were taught this when we were young! Imagine the freedom and anticipation we would feel as we move consciously from one season to the next. Always being able to have that larger perspective and not getting caught up in the drama of our emotions, knowing that as each situation, emotion or thought arises it is there to teach us and assist us as we evolve into our natural and true essence. It is Life itself growing, changing and evolving.

It is not an easy road to reach this place of knowing; and there will always be days where it continues to be a challenge, yet eventually the the darker times have little to none power over you than it had before and instead becomes your ally and your teacher. It becomes the power within.

“This is truly a time of transformation and there is much that ruthlessly supports this incredible time of change. It is uncomfortable, can be confusing and chaotic, and will test you to your limits. Is it all worth it? You bet. Who would not want to emerge a butterfly from the caterpillar? But first you must experience digesting yourself...

“There is a real opportunity for a bid for power through your own disciplines should you choose to step up. All martyrdom needs to be eliminated as well as procrastination, self-doubt and the attachment to worry. We must be disciplined against these low frequency behaviors and beliefs as much as being disciplined towards high frequency practices and intentions.

(http://www.mysticmamma.com/the-theme-for-november-2013-is-discipline/)

It takes work, dedication, discipline and commitment…..and NOT over a short period of time. It took me 50 years to get here so to think I can shift and change overnight, or even in a number of months or a couple years is not realistic. This work is not congruent with our societies ideas right now. Immediate gratification does not work. Easy does not work. Patience, time and love does work. Practice works. Community works. Having an open mind and willingness works.

Keeping hope and staying connected to the Nature of this time will very much help with staying grounded and centred in your essence.

Developing some tangible daily practices will help maintain your connection to the Larger essence and bring you in closer alignment with the season:

• Do some sort of daily practice every day - whether it be journalling, meditating, or praying. Aligning your energies with Spirit in some way is the key. Even if lighting a candle and saying thank you is all you can do.
• Challenge yourself to stay a short while longer with the emotions that arise through this time. Live with an inner conviction to do a little better each day with resisting the urge to run away; whether it be through eating emotionally, using substance to escape or drowning out your inner voice with external stimuli. Be present in the moment, in the shadow or the brightness.
• Educate yourself a little with the energy of the time. Find a resource that fits for you, that speaks to you about the larger perspective, the energy of the sun, moon and planets. A couple sites that I have found very informative and insightful are www.mysticmamma.com and  http://newparadigmastrology.com
• Connect with community for support, shared visioning and motivation
• For your physical well-being think about incorporating some herbs into your daily life. Infusions especially beneficial for women (which is primarily where my focus is) are Nettles, Comfrey, Oatstraw and Linden
• As there are a lot of viruses around you may consider the idea of creating or purchasing from “The Hearth” a cold and flu remedy kit. You could include such things as Garlic/onion honey, lemon balm/apple cider extract, teas with St Johns, Lemon balm, Thyme, Peppermint or Echinacea .
• Include herbs like Burdock and Dandelion to help cleanse your body of toxins
• Perhaps during the darker months consider allowing the plants to be your allies with maintaining your energy and uplifting your thoughts. Skullcap tinctures, Hops, Chamomile and Valerian are all herbs that calm the nervous system.
• Learn about which foods to eat with this season. Try to incorporate foods that are in sync with the fall and winter. Root vegetables, warm, nourishing foods. Eat foods that are cleansing for the body, that are easy for the body to assimilate rather than congesting, dense foods.
• Feel the cold fall and winter air! No matter how cold and dark it feels, go outside and experience the season. Feel the cold, harsh, naked essence of nature. Let yourself be in that space. Go outside!

Nature is our Essence and

the Essence is our Soul

The Seasons give us flow

When we are  in the Essence of the Season

We align

our Soul with Hers

and      we      know

we are One with all beings

through all times

and we are

Whole

Blessed Be!

I love those mornings where it is okay to lumber in bed and move little. I find it is the greatest time for receiving insight from the dream world and from that empty space between night and day. It is a gateway of sorts. A gate of power from one “moment of time” to another; the shifting of time, similar to the shifting of one season to another. We have been preparing ourselves for the dark season and now it feels like it is coming upon us very quickly. It is time to connect with ourselves in a deeper, inward way.

This morning though I woke up feeling a strong pull to go running. I have not been a “runner” for very long so when I saw the rain I was apprehensive at first to move at all. I have not yet run in the rain. I actually used to be someone who thought “those who run in the rain must be crazily obsessed”. It makes me laugh now how quickly I was to develop judgements about people. Now I am one of them!

While I was running there were some striking realizations I received from the running itself and the myriad of leaves that had fallen on the path.  I realized that my experience of this run was once again a parallel in many ways to life as it is right now, to the process I am moving through in strengthening my skills as an herbalist, coach or facilitator; and to the process of honouring and releasing the old and opening myself to the new.

Being a beginner runner I have to be conscious of balancing the pull to keep running and the need to break and walk periodically to provide my body with hydration. Initially, I resist even going, and when I do, for about 10 minutes it is extremely difficult to keep going at all. My body feels tired and weak and it does not give me any immediate pleasure. I have to push myself. There are moments my mind is telling me I am nuts and other times where I do not feel I can go on. Everything aches and my breathing is staggered. I remind myself to attend to the guidelines my trainer has suggested. Relax my shoulders, straighten my back, let my arms relax. Breathe through my nose. Feel my feet pushing 'back' on the earth in order to allow Her to support me as I take my next step forward. I and the earth work together. 

Each time I attend to these suggestions I feel stronger and more balanced. I feel able to keep going. There are definitely those times where I meet  walls that feel insurmountable but when I push myself beyond them I feel like I have passed through another gateway. I have pushed myself a little beyond what I thought I could do. I begin to “feel” differently. I feel the trees and the earth’s heartbeat. I feel the leaves as they fall and I feel those that have already fallen.

There are imprints in the mud where some of the leaves have landed. So many people have trodden over this path that some leaves have already begun to transform into something beyond themselves. Their original form has died, crumpled up and disintegrated. They have sunk back into the earth and are becoming part of the collective energy of the mud beneath our feet. They are no longer “only” a leaf. Not once did they struggle and resist. Not once did they fear their fate, the unknown of what was yet to come. They just were. Oh to be a leaf!

In some ways we are the leaf…..we are a leaf...with consciousness. Being human, with conscious awareness I am being presented with many things to contemplate at this gateway; this time of letting go, of dropping down into darkness. Am I committed to the herbs? Truly committed? Am I committed to being of service in whatever way She asks? How is the Universe showing me what to bring with me into the next cycle? Are their friends in my life that hinder me/ are unhealthy for me that I need to let go of? Or are there gifts I have received as confirmation these friends must come along? Am I able to allow? To allow things to fall away and regenerate into something new? I can feel the doors are opening. I feel tremors of change in the horizon, yet am I prepared to wait and listen in the darkness, to move with the natural rhythms of Life Herself, and be with what arises? Can I walk slowly through the gates of power, in the shadows and the starlight? 

Can I trust there is always a light that will guide me?

I think of a prayer in Thorn Coyle’s book “Evolutionary Witchcraft”, a powerful meditation/prayer during those times we must give ourselves over and walk through the dark.

“Holy Mother with whom we live, move, and have our being, from you all things emerge and unto you all things return….

Open our hearts this blessed day. Touch our bodies and our minds. Walk with us through the gates of power, in shadow and starlight, wind on the ocean and the sweet kiss of life.

Blessed be our journey.”

I know not where I am going, I receive hints along the way and I listen. I am committed to doing the work, to following the path and honor the changes. I accept all that arises and learn how to integrate the words of wisdom passed on to me. I am willing to be with all that is. I am willing to surrender, to allow myself to fall and become whatever I am meant to be.

Are you willing? 

Are you willing to be the leaf? 

That's all it takes. 

Willingness. 

To be open, to see the world differently.

Death can be so beautiful!

All we are asked is to do our best. No one is judging us except ourselves. We have it within us. We can be here. One little step at a time. With love. One little step at a time.

Blessed be your journey…. into darkness….the turning of the wheel.

An Adventure with Dandelion

Last month in our Herbal Living workshop we all chose a plant that we would develop a deeper relationship with for the month. I was pretty certain it would be smart for me to study one that I use on a frequent basis, however, Dandelion wouldn't leave me alone and was pretty determined that I spend time with it. So be it. I took my trowel and my bag and headed out to a field that I felt was relatively untouched by major pollutants or pesticides and started to dig.

I thought it would be helpful to share my process for those who might be interested in harvesting their own plants so I took some pictures of each step once I returned home. I did not think of this until I returned home, however, digging the roots was pretty basic....yet respectful in every way. I made sure to feel the response of each area I was to dig and listened carefully to the ones who seemed to approve. When I received a "no" in my head I acknowledged this as the plant speaking and moved on. I have to admit that has taken some time to get to this level of trust as prior to this my ego often wanted to let me know I was being ridiculous for even considering the idea, letting me know I was really being "off the wall" with these ideas. Fortunately now I kinda like being "off the wall"! 

I have displayed a sort of slide show to outline my process. This is my first time working with these pictures in this format so you'll notice its kinda choppy but hey....being technically correct is not the point here at all anyway! I must say that the entire process preparing the dandelions took a good chunk of my afternoon and early evening. It is definitely an activity that needs to be given time and attention......and truly.... isn't that how good relationships are formed?!

 Preparing the dandelion

After my adventure of digging up the roots we arrive home and now get ready to prepare some precious remedies and food. First things first....I have to wash the dirt off the plant and remove any travellers that joined us along the way.

  

Noticing the various sizes I determine what might be the easiest way to organize the leaves for later preparation. As you can see below, I ensure the stems are lined up neatly on a plate.

I have divided the larger and smaller leaves -- the smaller leaves for salad (they are a little less bitter) and the larger ones for stir fry and soup. It also makes it easier to tie the stems when I dry the remainder of leaves.

               

Once I have separated the roots from the leaves I chop them into small pieces and begin to place them in my jar to make a tincture.

As you can see, I filled up the jar about 3/4 of the way in order to leave room for the alcohol. Generally I use vodka, however recently in one of my courses; Heather Nic Fhleideir, an herbalist from Eugene, Oregon, talked about the value of using Scotch Whiskey as a menstruum. This was a bit of enlightening news as ironically never before did I really think about the medicinal properties of the alcohol itself. Scotch Whiskey is made from Barley and Barley is known for its emollient, anti-inflammatory and antiseptic properties. She also said that it is best to buy the least expensive one. This totally surprised me yet made total sense as the cheaper the alcohol the higher the astringent properties and that is exactly what we are looking for! 


Once I fill up the bottle to the top I close the cap, I MAKE SURE I label the bottle with the name of the plant and the date of preparation. (I have thought in the past I would remember what it was, however, trust me not a good idea!)



My tincture is now done yet I may have gotten over excited with my digging and I have a tremendous amount of leaves and roots left so back to the beginning .....

  

....might as well enjoy a glass of the dandelion blossom wine I made in the spring, turn on the music and keep on with the chopping and sorting!

After a stretch of peaceful time with the dandelions...

and my cat Lucky supervising.....

 The leaves are cut and sorted, ready to be laid out and hung to dry and the roots  ready to be dehydrated.      

                After several hours in the kitchen, the roots are ready for dandelion coffee and tincture, the leaves are hanging .....(creatively I might add, as due to a lack of space I hung them on my indoor laundry line and kept them in the spare room away from curious cat eyes!) The fresh leaves are in the fridge for salads, wraps, soups or stir-fries! All is done.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

Thank you Dandelion!