The Committment, the Pause, and the Transformation

It may have been very recent since I wrote my previous blog; however, as some of you may know, when I am called to do something I generally do it even if it doesn't make sense. Last blog I started talking loosely about the idea of commitment and now I feel I am being called to share a little about my own process as I walk with commitment and step ever so much closer to an even healthier brighter me. :)

One of the tools I have in my kit to assist me with staying committed to my choices/passions is creating the space and time to be creative. When I am creative I am able to get more clarity and insight from my intuitive self rather than relying too much on my analytical and logical mind. A few days ago I shared an an afternoon of creative expression with three beautiful women and I found myself in a surprisingly odd place.

Once I moved through the whole process I was gifted with some powerful insights that I thought might be helpful for others to hear.

I suspect that the beginning of this process was triggered by the collage I had created that afternoon. After I had put everything away I noticed I was experiencing this sensation of an ending of sorts meandering quietly through me and this great sense of disappointment. I was totally lacking any insight about what I was to do next and knew without a shadow of a doubt that this had much more to do than it just being the end of the afternoon.

Essentially what rattled my core was that I started my collage with the intention of getting some clarity about what I wanted my work to look like and instead of receiving this, something else entirely was beginning to evolve.  Because of the intensity of my feelings I decided to sit with the images and words that were spread over the paper. As I did so, all kinds of feelings and dreams emerged that I thought I had let go of some time ago; ones I had felt were a little too far out of my reach. I had come to a place of acceptance that it simply was a little too late in my life for me to pursue these dreams and I had filed them safely away in the far corners of my mind under lost opportunities....and now they were emerging.

Just when things were starting to come together.

All the momentum I had been gathering since the Solstice seemed to abruptly come to a stop. That elated sense of commitment and drive that had been enveloping me dropped from 100 - 10....

just.
like.
that.

To help you get a sense of what I am talking about maybe it would be a good idea to fill you in a little ;)

Since mid December it has felt like I developed this ability to fly and was soaring forward with all my passions, dreams and desires with incredible grace and ease. I had been gifted the book "Passion Test" by a friend and had decided I would take the homework in the book seriously, making a commitment to myself and following through with the tasks, exercises and actions they had suggested (even though a part of me was reminding myself I had done this work a million times before). Amazingly, once I committed to this work things immediately began to take off (lol - you would think I "should" know this by now). It felt like Life Herself had been waiting with anticipation for me to open the door as new ideas, insights and opportunities ran towards me with open arms. Clarity of my path was as visible as a full moon shining brightly in a cloudless night sky.

A small portion of a dream I had the following night illustrated quite effectively what was actually occurring in my life quite well. I had been on my bike going up a mountain and I was getting very close to the top.....I was pushing forward with all my might; however, as my energy was almost depleted I was slowing down dramatically. Regardless, I continued moving forward. I knew a bus was stuck behind me but I was determined to get to the top and was not letting anything distract me or pull me off course.  I did not pull over and eventually I made it to the top. Unfortunately, as soon as I arrived I noticed both my tires were completely flat. I could go no further....yet.... as soon as I arrived there in front of me was a pumping station conveniently there to to blow up my tires. Regardless of the fact that there were pumps immediately available, I still felt this incredible sense of disappointment and frustration as I had no choice but to stop before I could continue on my journey.

Two things I noticed.

1. In the dream I did not even stop for a second and celebrate the fact that I had just biked up this incredibly enormous mountain safely and with good speed....I had not even taken the time to absorb what it was for me to bike that far, nor did I realize that I was being offered an opportunity to fill up my tires before continuing on the next leg of my journey.... in essence I did not even consider the idea of pausing and allowing myself time and space to energize, nourish and basically restore myself with some self love before continuing on my journey to the next mountain.

2. I did not even think of expressing one iota of gratitude for the gift of the pumping station ready and waiting for me at the top of the mountain....let alone my body's ability to do the journey in the first place!

Interestingly enough, all that was going through my mind was that this meant I had to stop moving forward towards my passions, I had to take some "time off", cease taking all the action and basically sit tight. There was nowhere for me to go, AND it was even possible I might not even be heading down the right path.

Definitely time to surrender to the Greater Mystery and let go of any preconceived notions that I knew what was going on!

With trepidation (much less than the past I will say that!...AND am grateful for ;)) I accepted and followed the flow of what was in front of me. My daughter needed my attention (she was struggling with a bad cold and sore throat), dishes were piling up, food had to be prepared and I had to work at 4:00 pm. I dove in and responded.

Following the call of family and simple mundane tasks has its own magic.

I realized something far more powerful was emerging...and I believe this was only because I listened and chose to surrender to the moment. I received some solid evidence that I totally do not have to know what is coming next, that what I think is going on is often not what is unfolding at all.

As the day progressed I :

• devised a whole herbal program  (to be posted in future blog) for my daughter to use as she was suffering from something we "diagnosed" (through the help of the internet ;)) as Viral Pharyngitis. 
• prepared some quinoa to have ready for different meals as I was returning to my busy schedule of work this week
• took out some frozen home-made soups and meals for the next couple days (prepared during my spare time so that while I am busy I don't return to my old habits of slapping food together)
• did some very effective organizing in the kitchen
• wrote a letter to someone with such clarity and truth that it was paradigm to a shift I am making towards only choosing to do and be with those people that are in favor of my highest self and my passions
• wrote a big portion of this blog

.....AND still went to work for 4:00!

Who says there is not enough time to follow our passion and remain committed to our Selves each and every day? I have a feeling it all has to do with how much we are willing to surrender to what is in the moment and trust where our hearts lead us. 

One little step at a time.

I am so grateful for this moment exactly as it is. 

Blessings with your commitments!!

Sage <3

........I would invite you to read this "Sounding of the Heart" by Sophia Bonnie Wodin as it brings this all together quite beautifully as well

http://www.sophiabonniewodin.blogspot.ca/