It always seems to take me awhile to return to this post. I read over my last post and I'm astonished at the changes and time that has passed. Two months almost feels like 2 years worth of shifting, growing and moving.I find myself chuckling because so often we think we may "get" something and then as we continue to grow and evolve our experience of that "getting" shifts as well.
There is no rational explanation of why I sat down today. I just did. Five minutes ago I didn't even know I was going to be here, however, five minutes ago I realized I had to step away from my left brain and chose to plug in a CD. ( "Journey of Shadows" by Sharlene Wallace" - lovely by the way) It was only then that I felt inspired to write in this blog instead of in my journal. Perhaps that is what She is wanting me to share. So I will.
I was actually writing about this process of developing my dream, my vision of the "Hearth of the Witch". Never in my life have I continued to walk and develop something with such an absence of its physical presence in my life. As I mentioned in my last post it was always "go hard and fast" and if I saw no results I would linger for awhile and then move on to the next thing.
Saying I am moving with the cycles of the seasons and being aligned with the natural cycles of growth is one thing....doing it is something entirely different. Especially when my old tendencies of quitting and diverting my attention to a myriad of distractions is so deeply hard wired in my brain. It takes impeccable trust, commitment and discipline to choose to follow the subtle inner whispers that keep nudging me forward. Sometimes the nudges are ideas for my website, or a shift in my focus for the day, or doing something that feels totally unrelated to where I "think" or "should be" heading towards that day. Often I find as I listen to the deeper ideas they are taking my vision into broader landscapes than I could have devised on my own.
Regardless of what is happening during this process I seem to be eternally brought back by my ego/my mind to question why I am doing this and what it is I am doing. Each day, whether for a short moment or longer, I am greeted with thinking that wants me to see how this is futile and "just a silly dream". I am not surprised by this at all. Lately I have been gifted with a book by a dear sister/friend called "The Great Cosmic Mother" (along with other similar books) and this is one of those examples where my Goddess takes me to broader landscapes. Its amusing actually because I have attempted to read this book before yet at the time I found it way too wordy and deep for my liking and I could not grasp the content. Today I am ready to receive these words, this information and it has radically altered my experience, my ability to listen and follow the deep wisdom that comes from the center of my belly.
It makes perfect sense to me now that I would struggle with following this irrational, illogical way of doing things. Its not only that my life, (or my mothers, or her mothers) has been dominated by patriarchal systems but this goes back by centuries; centuries upon centuries... over a few thousand years, where the "way" of living/of doing things the patriarchal way has been deeply embedded in our blood our bones our bodies. Its almost like we have forgotten. We have forgotten the way of the feminine of the matriarchal societies, of times where the Goddess was deeply revered and honored.
...and so....here I am. Choosing to stay with it, choosing to trust and believe there is something that is emerging here that is beyond me and requires time to grow and evolve. Something that requires me and everything else in the Universe to be ready. Perhaps certain old ideas have to fall away before the soil, the ground can be fertile enough to sustain and nourish this new "being" that is manifesting itself. Or, perhaps I simply have no idea what needs to happen and I just need to trust, open myself and take a little step every single day. I need to remember this is not my work that is being born. It is Hers.
So be it.
I will continue.
I will continue to be open,
to reach,
to extend myself beyond my comfort zone
and do as I am asked.
Because I am a woman and I seek that which is within.
I seek to be One with Her.
Brightest Blessings!
until next time......
