Writing a blog is certainly an interesting experience. Its strange how choosing to write a blog makes me observe things in my life from a different perspective. I often feel I am coming from a place of witness as I experience my day to day life more so now than I have ever before. I also find myself letting go and trusting when I feel called to write another post.

Today is such a day....and I have absolutely no idea what words will be coming out of me. 

I take a deep breathe and I ground. I ask for guidance. A necessary act many times during the day. Every day. The act of surrendering my ego and turning myself over to a greater power. 

I am reminded of the many blessings in my life and the many changes I have gone through in such a very short time. I am grateful to my allies,  physical and non-physical, for the tremendous amount of support I have received as I have moved through the dark night of the soul. I am thankful for the privilege to now become an ally or guide for others who are opening themselves to truth and are willing to step into a place of action to create the changes necessary in their life in order to become whole once again. So many of us are so fragmented. So many of us have split our selves from our souls and so many of us have no knowledge whatsoever that we have even become this way.

I have been blessed in that I have been able to be with truth and bring back those parts of myself I had abandoned for so many years. I was recently reading Clarissa Pinkola Estes' book "woman Who Run with the Wolves" and realized again at a deeper level how many of us women have given away the wild instincts within us in order to obtain those things in the world we thought were necessary for our survival. Those things we were "told" were necessary for our survival. I have also been reading through Caroline Myss's book "Sacred Contracts" and was reminded of the four major archetypes of Child, Victim, Prostitute and Saboteur  that are at play in our lives every day. 

It was actually a small act at work that seemed to precipitate this reading and brought it altogether. A very simple choice that turned out to be a choice that had great significance in bringing back parts of myself I had lost. The simple act I did was to say "no". Simple as that, yet turned out to be a paradigm shift in my relationship to the Victim and Prostitute's archetypes. I had broken a pattern of taking responsibility for others choices and had not been willing to "sell myself" for the sake of external acceptance or validation. As quoted in Carolyn"s book, "I made a commitment to myself to act in behalf of my own well-being no matter how uncomfortable it made those around me." At the time I did not realize I was making this commitment. Things are no longer the same as they were. A simple act. An act I have made many times before yet this time one that seemed to have shifted everything. Perhaps I have shown my Self that my loyalty to my "Self"  is steadfast.  A simple thing to let my Self know that I am no longer willing to betray or abandon my Self to please another or avoid conflict or whatever the consequence. I am willing to be honest and speak my truth and I can live with the consequences of my choice. All to be true to me. To integrate my being so I may become whole. To become who I am meant to become. Be whatever She asks.

The only reason I can now live with these consequences is because I have walked through the dark long enough to build a level of faith that I know without a doubt if I follow what has heart all will be okay. Day always follows night. Always. All will be as it is meant to be and I am ALWAYS taken care of.

I give thanks to those spiritual teachers who have brought me here. Especially those who through dark and terrifying acts forced me to see truth and take action to save my Self, my Soul. As Souls I will love these people forever for helping me evolve. As humans....it is best I continue to set my boundaries and keep a distance.

May all who have the niggling feeling something is wrong, something does not feel quite right have the will, courage and strength and to begin to listen and ask what they might do to honor their own Soul, seek out others to become allies with and become who they truly are.... Truly magnificant beings.

Blessings and Love

Sage

Early tomorrow morning is the new moon. A New Moon in Cancer. May be potent considering the moon affects water and Cancer is a water sign. The moon will be in Her element. Makes me think about my experiences lately and how it feels like every day my path is becoming clearer and clearer and how I too am feeling aligned and in my element. I am definitely moving downstream with the river.

Depends largely though on my ability to accept and trust whatever Life hands me. Easier sometimes than others. It seems the farther downstream I go, the deeper and truer I see myself. I have been invited to look at some truths beyond the ordinary world that are triggering a lot of old paradigms to emerge. Paradigms that have kept me trapped in old illusions of how I have defined myself. Trapped but "safe" as well. Words and images are arising that tempt me to swim toward the shoreline and start walking back to where I came from. Lately the words "this is ridiculous" keeps repeatedly popping in my head. Thoughts about how I may be a mad woman. Slightly crazy 'they' might say. As I listen to these words emotions start simmering and I feel a touch of the old anxiety beginning to tremble. Old fears of being ostracized, ridiculed and judged.


It seems I have some choices to make. I can turn my face, my being around and go back to the safe old illusions or I can choose to keep going downstream. I could choose to swim to the shoreline and sit on the shore quietly with these words and images. I could take the time to interact a little more closely with these thoughts. Ask it questions, seek to understand the root of it. Perhaps as the Buddha says I can even sit down and invite these frightening thoughts to share a cup of tea. The more I breathe in these notions of looking ridiculous or crazy the more I am able to separate myself from the attachment I have with them. The more I am able to integrate them into my whole being.


Thorn Coyle calls this "Integrative Magick". She shares a wonderful exercise called Kala or a "rite of unbinding" that has helped me tremendously. Simply put, in this exercise you get a chalice or sacred cup and sit down with your breath, circulating your energy and filling your body with the Life force. After grounding  you hold the chalice in your hands and begin breathing in that thought or feeling you wish to unbind or heal into the water. Once you feel complete with this you then connect again to Life Force, feeling Her fill you and flowing into your being. When you feel full of her essence you begin sounding a tone into the water. Her tone. Her essence of love. When you feel the water is full of Her essence you drink the water down, imagining the water flowing through your body bringing life and healing. Giving thanks and a prayer. (you can see her book "Kissing the Limitless" for a detailed description )


Aligning with and accepting all of whom I am is the key to my evolution as a soul. Owning all parts of myself. Crazy and logical. Ridiculous and sensible. Dark and light. I am all of these things and until I learn to sit down and share a cup of tea with every aspect of myself I will never be whole. Time to sit again....and again and again. Sit and walk. Simultaneously. One foot in front of the other. I am The Fool beginning her Journey. Again and again and again.....


Blessed be your journeys!
Love 
Sage

I have been contemplating what to post for the last few days and have not been clear what to share until now. I think most of this is primarily because of resistance to 'what is' in my life right now. Once I catch myself I find it somewhat amusing to look back and see how I had gotten pulled in to "self" and what "I" want vs. what is.

Much of this week has been about clearing out, being still and feeling a sense of emptiness. Allowing myself to just be here continues to be a challenge. So often my old self will sneak in and begin pushing, asking questions, 'trying' to figure out what to create next. What is my work? How am I going to get it started? How am I going to create more money? When? How? Where??? Each day I have to return to my practice and meditation and sit in the stillness, sitting in this state of emptiness I am in. Each day I have to be with my breath as my anxiety begins to simmer inside my heart. Each and every day I have to remind myself to let go and remember who I am.

I remember. I remember when I sit against a tree whose leaves are still and curled in because of the sweltering heat. I remember when I am blessed with the presence of a praying mantis willingly stepping on to my hand and turning its face to turn into mine. I remember when I connect to the cycle of the season we are in. The heat of the noon day sun. The plants are full with life and conserving their energy. Animals sit quiet keeping to the shade, drinking lots of water.I do not have air conditioning. I feel the heat and must become still as Nature Herself or I feel the exhaustion. I eat foods that cool my body and choose activities that honor my body and celebrate my life.


 I  realize my impatience, my niggling to create more, to create something comes from the need to be consistently in action. Thus is our society. Production, results, success..... I am blessed; however,with teachers all around me. Human, four-legged creatures and plants. I am reminded of those things that are most important in building a sacred life. Structures and foundations. I have not had the patience for these. My story was that of rushing towards the high of the spiritual ecstasy and experiences. Thrilled with the spectacular realities that are within and without us all the time. It was spectacular at times but nothing was sustainable . There was no foundation which to land. No healthy base to come home to. Each and every cycle I came back to the same place of chaos and crisis and dissatisfaction with my life. Sabotage. Depression, pain and restlessness. 


I now understand. Foundation creates opportunities for everything else to flow. Healthy foundations, healthy life, healthy ecosystems. You have a healthy ecosystem the plants and animals, the life within that ecosystem thrive and flourish and become beautiful and strong. You nourish that ecosystem and care for it, providing it with the honor and love it deserves it will produce what it has been created to produce. 


As within so without. 


We are ecosystems. If we feed our bodies, our minds, our hearts and souls with that which is whole and pure we will naturally evolve as well. If we practice stillness and patience and trusting the flow we will grow closer to our true essence. Trying to force growth and movement brings nothing but further struggle  and emptiness.  I worked in greenhouses and it was very clear to me that those big beautiful plants that were fed with fertilizers may appear bright and beautiful but once you got close there was an absence of smell. There was nothing. We can try and make all these illusions and appear beautiful but if we do not make a commitment to our foundations and structures we too will be nothing. 


Commitment to structure. Commitment to foundations.  I am learning to have patience. I am learning to wait. I am learning it takes time to build good solid foundations. I am learning. I commit to continue to learn and build those foundations as Nature Herself would build them. I am open, willing and ready. I am present. I Am.

I woke up this morning and realized I had  not changed my calender over to July and what I read when I turned it over was exactly what I needed to hear....plus it felt like a great little piece to share this morning:


Wherever you Stand

Know there is a river flowing now, very quickly. It is great and swift, and those who are afraid will try to hold fast to the shore. They will suffer greatly, for in this way, they shall feel torn asunder. Know that the river has its destination.


We must learn to let go of the shore, even take to the torrent. We must keep our heads above the water and our eyes wide open. See who your companions are, and be glad!


Tread this world lightly; leave only a trace.
Everything that you see can be a sacred space.

So wherever you stand , be the soul of that place.

(Celtic Blessings calender, author unknown)


This is so fitting for me right now. Standing and Being the Soul no matter where is a high challenge at times. Lately I have been feeling propelled to let go of some groups and other things and it is leaving me with this great sense of emptiness and "aloneness"  (bordering on loneliness). I even cleared my altar and it sits there pretty well completely bare. My insecure, vulnerable self wants desperately to move into a place of self-pity and control; pushing me to do something so I don't have to feel this way. I choose to remain solid in my faith. I am being asked to sit still and wait. I pulled the Seven of Pentacles in my Tarot reading yesterday and it said it also very well;

 "Seven of Pentacles reflects a situation where we are called upon to decide between the security of what we have already built and the shaky, uncertain possibilities of a new direction which may or may not lead to future success. One pole represents the safe choice, although there is implied in such safety the danger of stagnation and even misfortune if something "divinely inspired" is rejected in favour of what is secure but lacking in vitality.The other pole represents something possibly risky, even dangerous, perhaps 'immoral' in the sense that it flies in the face of popular opinion..."

Staying where I have been definitely felt safer. I felt part of something, I belonged somewhere. I didn't expect to feel so alone. Now I am in the river flowing downstream and have no idea where it is taking me. I have a choice. I always do. Some time ago I made a commitment that I was going to honor my heart and follow where it was leading me even if it made no rational common sense. I was going to develop a stronger trust in my self, in my own intuition. Well I guess now its up to me to decide if I hang on tight to the shore or trust, let go and go for the ride down the river. Danger, intrigue and mystery.....That to me sounds like it could be a  heck of a lot more fun so I guess I might as well get on with it. Eyes wide open...

Enjoy your ride!
Blessings and peace
Sage

Well this has been quite the process. Thank Goddess for daughters who are equipped with knowledge about computers or I might have never made my way here. For most people this weekend is a time of activity and vacation yet for me it is the absolute opposite. Well, in essence it is a great time of activity, its just that for me much of it is internal.


It is a time of beginnings for me. A beginning yet an ending at the same time. Life is like that. There can be no new life without death of something. This death is about a death of invisibility, smallness and conditioned illusions. A death of self-doubt, silence and the need to use my small self/my ego as a means to create change in my world. 


It has taken several years to get to this space where I give voice to the lessons and awareness I have gathered. Several years and many battles, but I made it here and its time to share my inner musings and new states of consciousness. As far as content...that remains a mystery. This will be in the hands of Life Herself. I know I'll be guided to speak what needs to be said. I will remain open and let it emerge of its own accord. I will allow Nature to evolve in the way it will because I have learned enough times that getting out of the way brings about many fascinating ideas and events in my life.  The Full moon is almost with us. Perhaps I too am almost at my fullness...for this cycle anyway. 


For today, may Life be with you and may you be with Her in Her fullness as well.
Blessings and peace
Sage