Well its been a little bit of time since I have written here. I keep visiting here, checking within to hear what needs to be said and all that arises is vacancy...until tonight. Tonight I received a message loud and clear just to speak from where I come from right now.

So, where am I then?

I seem to be in the middle of nowhere, a time of complete still and quiet. I keep seeing a vivid picture of myself laying on my back on the river, not doing anything but letting the river take me where it wants. If you can remember last time I spoke about the speed at which everything had been moving, and boy was it moving for a good number of days. I guess I am in sync with the moon right now though as I am in the dark just as She is. I am really becoming aware of the power of letting go, trusting and moving at the right time, knowing I will receive guidance for the next step exactly when I need it. When everything is aligned and perfect.

Fascinating thing is it truly has been different than any other time before. I seem to have left the tremendously huge bags of doubt and anxiety somewhere in my past. I have even developed the ability to act immediately upon the guidance received and move only to the degree which I have been led. That was NEVER the case in the past. Oh, I had dreams. Big dreams as a matter of fact; dreams that swam around everywhere within my mind, yet I could not get myself to take the action to bring them into my physical reality. I just had too much mud and debris clogging the stream. Thank the Goddess I was blessed with the courage, strength and tenacity to get my hands dirty and start digging in the muck....and man was that a thick stagnant mass of muck! (So in fact all those years surviving abuse and trauma were a beautiful gift! I would NEVER have gotten this far without all those situations to push me to find these traits within myself)

So, I dug in. I dug until I could completely own, accept and eventually embrace all of that muck with love. It definitely got dirty and I remember there were days I pleaded because I did not think I could take anymore. Days where I came so close to submitting completely to the dark I was not sure I could come back up. Yet I ALWAYS did. Every single time I was given what I needed to come out the other side and back to the surface.

Every single time.
Every single time Life Herself stuck out Her hand and brought me what I needed.

I remember the patterns though. I remember them well. The gifts would come and my climb back out would commence. I would begin to have hope and see promise. Dreams of a new life , a new way of living would emerge and I would become determined to make them happen. I would become like the bull charging the muleta that the matador holds and waves around in a bullfight. Interestingly,what the bull does not know is behind that red cloth is a sword that will be used to kill the bull, and that the red is used to conceal the truth of the blood spilled after the kill. The analogy works perfectly because I did not see the truth of my drive/ my passionate "will" towards my goals. I had no idea that what was behind that "cloth" was everything I needed to sabotage or "kill" whatever dreams I had awoken.

I have since learned to free the bull back to the wild and honor the movements of other creatures such as the turtle and spider or even the jaguar. Only to name a few. The animals have so much to teach in the way they go after their mate, their prey or their food. Or simply the way they live in harmony with Nature Herself.

The simpler I live and the less I carry (internally and externally), the more I am able to reflect that alignment with the One and the more Life opens to the magnificence so many of my teachers have always spoken of.

For so many years I have been able to move forward because I chose to believe that those who walked before me were telling the truth  that anything was possible. I am now beginning to taste it. I am now beginning to live it and I am excited beyond measure to be in a place where I can give back to others in the way that those others have given to me.

The trick today is to allow. As I said I am in stillness right now. I have done all that I know and now I wait. Patiently.
....and I am thrilled because it is a new moon in a couple of days and that means right now we are in the darkest time of the moons cycle and I have not gone to my own darkest places as I have before.

I simply Am

in the dark
and
 that
       is
          okay!

Blessed be All!
Love,
Sage