Wow.
It has been a long time since I wrote anything here.
There is such a paradigm shift going on within me and around my life I am much less cognizant what to express here. I never seem to be clear whether to use this space to share my experiences and the shifting nature of my Self in an abstract way or use this space to display and offer the herbal teas and remedies I have created...or it could be both......
......alas I never seem to truly know what ends up bringing me to this space. I guess that's because its truly really never up to me!
I have procrastinated with sharing my herbal remedies for some time as I often hear a voice within telling me everything is not "up to standard" as it should be, that I really do not have enough to share, or that people don't want to mess around with herbs anyway...... I am beginning to truly accept, however, that this voice is not my Essential self but rather that of the Critic and Judge that have resided within me for a very long time. I am realizing that the longer I wait for my idea of the "perfect" package" or the "right" quantity to appear I may never share what I have to offer. Do I simply keep planning, organizing, stocking and wait for the perfect time to come, until I truly think I am good enough....or do I stumble along and start putting forth bits and pieces and see what unfolds? Maybe, I am being called to do this for a complete different reason than I could possibly understand right now..
I have suspected this before however I am now starting to get an even stronger sense that perhaps at some subconscious level I am using these reasons as an excuse to stay small and somewhat less visible..... and I would not have to take the risk to step out there and reveal myself a little bit more.....
It is such a challenge for so many of us to risk showing ourselves. So many stories and memories in our minds that want to protect us. So often, we compare ourselves to all the other people out there and say "oh my god" I am not near as good as so and so, I can't possibly succeed doing this. I probably will be laughed at for even thinking I can do this.... I have so much more I need to learn before I can even think about sharing this with others, there is way too much to do and I really don't have time to focus on this right now anyway......and on and on we go.
I am thinking that most often we are either terribly afraid of failure or even more so of success...or possibly of both. Question is, how do we even define success?...and...is there really any such thing as failure?
I have realized throughout my journey that NOTHING I have ever done has been a failure or mistake. If any thing, any small thing, had been different in my life I would not be where I am. Every single step, every choice I made brought me to the next which eventually rippled out to this present reality. One that reflects much more closely the truth who I truly see myself to be. I had to peel away the layers of conditioning that were enveloped so tightly around me and uncover lies I had convinced myself as truths for so many years. In order to see the subterranean levels of truth I had to dig into colossal mounds of dirt and go into many dark crevices. Some of which I truly did not understand at the time, yet were essential to connecting with the web of roots beneath it all.
Now I choose to take this next step. My heart says go. Stumbling along, not really understanding what will emerge I choose to follow that which speaks to me from deep inside myself. Apprehension, fear and all.
My heart says go. So, go it shall be.
I think I choose to define that to be success.
Next post will be me revealing what is in The Herbal Cupboard and instructions on how you can make your own as well.
Bright Blessings!
Sage
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