I have been contemplating what to post for the last few days and have not been clear what to share until now. I think most of this is primarily because of resistance to 'what is' in my life right now. Once I catch myself I find it somewhat amusing to look back and see how I had gotten pulled in to "self" and what "I" want vs. what is.

Much of this week has been about clearing out, being still and feeling a sense of emptiness. Allowing myself to just be here continues to be a challenge. So often my old self will sneak in and begin pushing, asking questions, 'trying' to figure out what to create next. What is my work? How am I going to get it started? How am I going to create more money? When? How? Where??? Each day I have to return to my practice and meditation and sit in the stillness, sitting in this state of emptiness I am in. Each day I have to be with my breath as my anxiety begins to simmer inside my heart. Each and every day I have to remind myself to let go and remember who I am.

I remember. I remember when I sit against a tree whose leaves are still and curled in because of the sweltering heat. I remember when I am blessed with the presence of a praying mantis willingly stepping on to my hand and turning its face to turn into mine. I remember when I connect to the cycle of the season we are in. The heat of the noon day sun. The plants are full with life and conserving their energy. Animals sit quiet keeping to the shade, drinking lots of water.I do not have air conditioning. I feel the heat and must become still as Nature Herself or I feel the exhaustion. I eat foods that cool my body and choose activities that honor my body and celebrate my life.


 I  realize my impatience, my niggling to create more, to create something comes from the need to be consistently in action. Thus is our society. Production, results, success..... I am blessed; however,with teachers all around me. Human, four-legged creatures and plants. I am reminded of those things that are most important in building a sacred life. Structures and foundations. I have not had the patience for these. My story was that of rushing towards the high of the spiritual ecstasy and experiences. Thrilled with the spectacular realities that are within and without us all the time. It was spectacular at times but nothing was sustainable . There was no foundation which to land. No healthy base to come home to. Each and every cycle I came back to the same place of chaos and crisis and dissatisfaction with my life. Sabotage. Depression, pain and restlessness. 


I now understand. Foundation creates opportunities for everything else to flow. Healthy foundations, healthy life, healthy ecosystems. You have a healthy ecosystem the plants and animals, the life within that ecosystem thrive and flourish and become beautiful and strong. You nourish that ecosystem and care for it, providing it with the honor and love it deserves it will produce what it has been created to produce. 


As within so without. 


We are ecosystems. If we feed our bodies, our minds, our hearts and souls with that which is whole and pure we will naturally evolve as well. If we practice stillness and patience and trusting the flow we will grow closer to our true essence. Trying to force growth and movement brings nothing but further struggle  and emptiness.  I worked in greenhouses and it was very clear to me that those big beautiful plants that were fed with fertilizers may appear bright and beautiful but once you got close there was an absence of smell. There was nothing. We can try and make all these illusions and appear beautiful but if we do not make a commitment to our foundations and structures we too will be nothing. 


Commitment to structure. Commitment to foundations.  I am learning to have patience. I am learning to wait. I am learning it takes time to build good solid foundations. I am learning. I commit to continue to learn and build those foundations as Nature Herself would build them. I am open, willing and ready. I am present. I Am.