Taking it one little Step Further

One day.

It has been 2 months since I wrote last and here it is one day.

I feel unfinished with what I started speaking of yesterday. So unlike me to write in this way. Maybe unlike a me that was, but more like a me that is? A me that is emerging? I truly have no idea.

In all honesty it actually surprised me that I was even writing about this topic.

...and yet I felt propelled to do it.

Then something else happened after I wrote my post yesterday and again I feel propelled.

I asked my daughter, Kelsea, to read it and share her thoughts as I feel she is very knowledgeable about these issues and I respect her point of view. She is not afraid to speak about such matters.

Originally in my first post (before editing) I had posted the statement "All Lives Matter" and Kelsea was very clear that in fact saying this was a form of violence in amongst itself. I had no idea what she was talking about.

She then shared some links with me about this and I began to understand how saying this was actually subtly removing the power of the message "Black Lives Matter'..so I changed it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julia-craven/please-stop-telling-me-th_b_6223072.html

As I was changing it I noticed the reactions in my body. I had immediately begun to feel anxious and unsteady about writing "Black Lives Matter" in my post. Why in the world would that stir up fear and anxiety within me?! Why would a statement that clearly supports respect and dignity towards black people make me feel so anxious?

In reflecting on this I think about the many conversations, reading material and posts that basically embody my world. Spirituality, self empowerment, manifesting our visions, supporting the earth, women's rights, astrological signs.... hopeful uplifting messages, speaking positively, looking for what is working in your life, focusing on the light.....People "like" the posts that make them smile. People "like" the posts that lift them up.

In my experience people don't really want to talk about the dark. People like to be a part of those events or circles where we dance, we chant, we drum, we sing.....In spiritual circles so often its all about focusing on the light, bringing in the light, expanding the light. We like the warm fuzzy feelings.

This is great. Trust me, I am not knocking it. We need these times. We all struggle with our own shit. We are exhausted from just trying to keep up with our lives and "doin' the do" we are expected to do. We focus and concentrate and encourage ourselves to not get pulled into the negativity that surrounds us. We need the release of energy to restore ourselves. We need the love and positive community. I so get that. Completely.

But we can't live without acknowledging the dark. We cannot possibly be whole. The sun does not shine day and night. We need the rain, we need the storms. We need the night and we need the moon. The Earth needs the sun, the sun needs the moon ...We need the muck as much as we need the beautiful bright flowers.

Maybe this is coming out of me because of my experiences in the last few months with an increased number of people coming out and talking about their hidden shadow worlds. It has become increasingly evident to me how much we do not talk with each other about the dark aspects of being human. Our mental illnesses. Depression, anxiety, abuse, addictions. So many are coming forward lately sharing how they keep silent about their struggles with mental illnesses, that if they do come forward people withdraw, they are silent, they call less. They feel judged and believe they are better off keeping it to themselves. They (owning this I also say "I") are struggling to succeed as they/I cannot see how they can succeed in a world that values consistent action and productivity. When you struggle with a mental illness the rules are different. Your needs don't always align with the way the structure of the system is set up.

....and now...I am writing about the racism against black people that is so evident in the world. That is appearing to touch my world in a much more tangible way. Perhaps before now, the vastness of it triggered my coping mechanisms of paralysis and denial and that is why it was not part of my reality. Well, I am looking now so I guess something is changing.

This came into my circle today as well: https://thsppl.com/i-racist-538512462265
 
We are so privileged as a white people. So very privileged. I am beginning to see a little more every day how deep this privilege goes and questioning within myself that I /we may need to look at how we benefit from a system that is set up in such a way.

Perhaps we need to open our eyes to the darker realities of being human. Perhaps we need to start acknowledging what is underneath and begin allowing ourselves to come face to face with the demons that are all around us .....maybe facing the demons is the only way that the poison can truly be expelled? Collectively and individually.

I have no idea where this is going. I am simply feeling propelled to speak from within...and so I am. I am beginning to listen and becoming more courageous. Perhaps if we all opened ourselves to listening to the dark side a little more and begin speaking our truths from that place we might be surprised what can be revealed.

Maybe the answers are in the dark?